Thursday, May 21, 2009

John, chapter 15

Are you fruitful? I have asked that question about myself as I approach a very important period in my life. It is appropriate that I am touching on this topic right now. Because of a commitment this summer, I am likely available for the next 7 weeks without any form of a job. My temp agency usually finds me long term stuff, so unless I get a short-term assignment in that time I have a lot of time on my hands. I am using it for job-hunting, but more importantly I am using this as a time to center myself on God since I feel like I have fallen far away from Him in the past few months.

In this time, I want to examine other ways I can be fruitful. Once we get back from this summer commitment I know there are going to be some massive life changes that I must face. I also know that there is absolutely no way we can face them unless god comes through to provide for us. In that, I long to be fruitful and support those around me. I want to get God back in my heart instead of toiling away in the darkness of my own spirit as I have done for far too long. I admit that I am a person that regularly fights depression and hopelessness. After three days of this new refocusing, however, nearly nine months of depression has started to fade away.

5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. – John 15:5-8

There are few words truer than these. Apart from God, I can do nothing. Apart from God, I spend my days wasting my life in my apartment fruitlessly searching for something that I cannot find. This is exactly why I am desperately seeking to reconnect with God. I am tired of living a life that does not bear fruit. I know, deep within me, that I am built for more than this. With God’s help I will find that worth.