I must say, it has been good to be back here this week after a long absence. I feel this blog has been something missing in my life, and that I have put other things in the way because they were deemed as more important. I will work to improve upon that in the future.
Part of this comes from an inability to submit myself fully to God. That is touched on in this chapter. I feel like I have been trying to do things on my own again. Sure, I have tried to submit myself to God, but I don't think I have had very much success in the matter. As a result, I have felt an isolation that is very hard to describe, but it is one that grows every day.
2You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. – James 4:2-3
I see a passage like this and it is confusing and frustrating at the same time. Is it wrong to want a job so I can have some security and possibly start a family? Is it wrong to have personal professional goals for myself? I feel like every day that goes by with no development on this front is a wasted day. I feel like I am not allowed to plan, but instead I am supposed to leap blindly.
Then I see news from other friends of mine. I envy those that can live on faith and have the ability to truly leap blindly into whatever God has for them. It is my prayer today that I will ask with the proper motives for which I seek.
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