John, chapter 15

Are you fruitful? I have asked that question about myself as I approach a very important period in my life. It is appropriate that I am touching on this topic right now. Because of a commitment this summer, I am likely available for the next 7 weeks without any form of a job. My temp agency usually finds me long term stuff, so unless I get a short-term assignment in that time I have a lot of time on my hands. I am using it for job-hunting, but more importantly I am using this as a time to center myself on God since I feel like I have fallen far away from Him in the past few months.

In this time, I want to examine other ways I can be fruitful. Once we get back from this summer commitment I know there are going to be some massive life changes that I must face. I also know that there is absolutely no way we can face them unless god comes through to provide for us. In that, I long to be fruitful and support those around me. I want to get God back in my heart instead of toiling away in the darkness of my own spirit as I have done for far too long. I admit that I am a person that regularly fights depression and hopelessness. After three days of this new refocusing, however, nearly nine months of depression has started to fade away.

⁵"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. ⁶If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. ⁷If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. ⁸This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. – John 15:5-8

There are few words truer than these. Apart from God, I can do nothing. Apart from God, I spend my days wasting my life in my apartment fruitlessly searching for something that I cannot find. This is exactly why I am desperately seeking to reconnect with God. I am tired of living a life that does not bear fruit. I know, deep within me, that I am built for more than this. With God’s help I will find that worth.