This may be the final entry for awhile. I am trying to do some mental soul-searching and find my place in this world. There are some lessons I need to learn, specifically what humility means as it is presented here in chapter 9, before I can find out what I am supposed to do next. Honestly, this has been a very difficult time, but the difficult times never seem to end anyway.
The final part of Luke, chapter 9 presents a funny picture, at least to me, with the following passage.
46An argument started among the disciples as to which of them would be the greatest. 47Jesus, knowing their thoughts, took a little child and had him stand beside him. 48Then he said to them, "Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For he who is least among you all—he is the greatest." – Luke 9:46-48
One of Jesus’ central arguments is that we must humble ourselves if we are to truly seek His kingdom. He even hits on this at the end of this chapter when he talks about what must be given up in order to follow Him. I have spent a lot of time this morning ruminating on this passage. Lately I feel as if I have been at odds with it. Despite my job struggles, I continue to be blessed with different short term opportunities. Unfortunately, they are opportunities I despise. I know that the core of this hatred is the feeling that I am above these jobs. I feel like I am meant for more with the abilities God has given me. I know He has a greater plan in mind. Unfortunately, not only has this attitude turned me off to these lesser position, it has let things like my writing passion slip. I have seen it in how my words feel disconnected even when I am writing here. In short, I feel like I should be greater, and that is not the attitude to take.
So what do I need to learn? I know things shouldn’t be beneath me, especially when there are people that would die to be in my position. I am blessed, but I feel like I have taken it for granted too often. It is my prayer this morning that I can step back in this week of freedom from work and examine what is on my heart. I need to get my goals in line with God’s goals for me. I certainly don’t know what I am doing anymore, and the world is presenting me with things I definitely don’t want to do.
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